How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize