It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
