make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
