If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize