I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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