and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's always time for handjobs
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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