my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
