I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
