I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
