I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
