I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
