Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who died my cat blue again?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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