I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
