So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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