we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize