You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
