this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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