one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i came on her dog
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
