I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
