I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
