yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
