thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
