U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
