Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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