I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
