swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
