she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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