Don't you send me to vm
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
