Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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