Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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