Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
