some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
