dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
