Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
