Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
