new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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