Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He kissed a someone with a penis
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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