Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
