So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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