I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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