Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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