i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
