If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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