So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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