Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
