Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
