First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
