Soap is not a condiment
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
