I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We are all done wearing pants today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
