burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize