She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
