he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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