I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
