i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
