I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
