who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
