glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I AM VODKA MAN
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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