Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
