Plan B is the new Plan A
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
