found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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