Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
