How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
