I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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