Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
