i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
