??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
